apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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