Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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