After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
