he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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