I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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