we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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