It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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