You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
