Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
