I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
