Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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