I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
