so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
