They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
