she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
