Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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