Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
