Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
