Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
