Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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