Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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