I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
