I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my liver is dry heaving
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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