i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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