You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
