Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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