Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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