I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sext me about skeletons
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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