So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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