I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
