He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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