i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
