Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
