the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
