9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
