I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
