Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
