My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
