The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
