just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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