You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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