the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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