I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
