Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
