Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
