apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
