Define "chronic" masturbator.
Duck Duck Cougar?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
