someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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