So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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