now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
