it hurts more in the daytime
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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