i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
